A new beginning

27 December 2016

This story begins in the late summer of 2012 in Sandhamn, an island in the outer Stockholm archipelago. I had been invited to a networking event organized by Skiers Accredited and had decided to join in, even if I knew that the only person I would know there was on old boyfriend. Despite my being an open and social person I sometimes find entering new crowds a bit uncomfortable. I still remember very well the relief I felt when I met my tennis coach in the harbor and it turned out that he was going to the same event. I was not going to have to get off the boat on my own then.

As soon as the activities started everything turned out the way it usually does; I met a lot of super nice people who all shared the same passion as myself - skiing. For many years I had ignored my love for skiing in particular and sports in general and the desire to revive it was huge. After a nice dinner, party spirits were high. I joined a group of enthusiastic people on the dance floor and among them was one guy who danced with an intensity and joy I had never experienced. At some point I remember him telling me to throw away my neat little designer handbag and ”unleash myself fully”. In my world I thought I had already done that, looking back I know how much energy and joy of life that I was carrying around without letting it out. This guy, Anders, saw right through me. He saw ME. It took some time until I realized this though.

There was nothing more to it. I went back home again, to my ”normal” life, to my boyfriend of that time and to everyday life. Just a week later I found myself midst of a relationship drama, mostly due to the fact that I was not sure whether I wanted to be with him anymore. I spent a lot of time reflecting on what I wanted with my life, whether this really was what I wanted and if not, what was I looking for? I had such a great life, how could I expect to have more than what I already had? I stayed in the relationship for some more months, however was probably never really present in it.

Mid-December I went to another meet-up with the skiers’ network, this time in the Swedish ski resort Åre. On Saturday night I found myself approaching this Anders in the bar after dinner. For some reason the question I opened the conversation with was ”Isn’t it difficult to have a relationship when you choose to live like you do, to spend winters in one place and summers in another?”. This was the invitation to a long conversation about life, about what is important to us based on who we are, how we know who we are, how we can actually create our lives as we want to live them. A conversation that we still engage in every single day.

About a week later I had broken up with my boyfriend, moved out from the apartment in central Stockholm and in to my parents house in the country side. Not because I was head over heals in love with Anders but because the dialogue with him had opened my eyes and made me see that there was another possibility. That life could be different.

Anders and I continued our conversation over Facebook and Skype. We wrote long messages to each other and before we even kissed we had told each other things about ourselves that we had never told anyone else. I felt as if we had known each other a long time, maybe in another lifetime. Did I fall in love with Anders? You bet I did. However, the feeling of having come home was stronger. And this time, I did not fall madly in love. Probably because he didn’t let me, or rather, that his behavior towards me did not invite me to do that.

He was so different! More than 50 years old, no kids, never married, making a living of off-piste skiing and playing golf, spiritual and with an integrity, awareness and consciousness that I had never encountered before. Who spoke his opinion no matter the situation - and who had such different points of view and perspectives in comparison to what I was used to. Deep down I probably knew already from the beginning what is a reality today; that life with Anders would be one long adventure in so many ways!