True Friendship

11 October 2017

We have now left amazing Gotland for the season and I write this on the beach in Portugal where we spend our yearly surf/training/holiday/creation month. The first 10 days have been full of surfing, training to get in shape for the winter, great food, long conversations and hanging out with friends, as well as some interesting relationship and family stuff. The latter I am quite sure we will get back to in another blog post, this one is about something else that occurred some weeks ago and that really had an effect on me. It is about friendship.

”I would like you to challenge me more. I sometimes get the impression that you are being too kind to me. That you are holding back.”

It is after midnight and we are sitting at the kitchen table in my friend’s house, having a cup of tea after the several glasses of prosecco earlier on in the evening. I let the words she has just uttered sink in. Why is it that I do not express my meaning in every situation? How come I choose to hold back? What am I afraid of? What mediocracy am I holding on to? I sit quiet for a moment, then start answering her. And as I do that, I come alive.

”I know. I hear what you are saying. My ego still fools me to believe that I am afraid that people I care about won’t like me if I be all of me. If I give raise to my points of view and the way I perceive the world. It still fools me to believe I have to care about what other people think of me instead of just being me to 100% and reaching out for my full potential. When you tell me that you see all of that potential and that it makes you sad that I do not make use of it, believe me, I hear what you are saying. I bear that with me every single day because I am really going to change it. I have so much to give, I can be such a contribution and it is about time that I start being it and sharing it with others! So thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you for daring to be you, for daring to tell me exactly what you think. Daring to ask of me that exact thing that I want to be able to give you. That I will give you. And thank you for asking me to be that gift to myself as well; being the greatness of me and thereby inviting others to be the greatness of them. Stepping into my full potential. It is funny how you verbalize this thing that me and Anders have an ongoing conversation about. He has asked me so many times to step into being me and start doing things 100% instead of holding myself back. He has also asked me to be 50-50 with him instead of making myself 49% (and sometimes 51%, will come back to that subject at some other time). So thank you for inviting me to choose this. What else is possible now?”

The day after I realized that what I had just experienced was an act of true and conscious friendship; another person with awareness asking you to step into being you no matter what that means and, no matter what happens, that person will hold your back. Friendship does not mean having to agree on everything, it does not mean smooth talking each other. How amazing is it when another person is so present with you that he or she sees beyond all your filters and sees YOU? Dares to challenge you? Dares to make you uncomfortable? What if that thing that you perceive as uncomfortable is exactly that change that you have been asking for? Just saying…

Joy from lovely Portugal,