This blog post is about something that most of us have experienced (and often more than one time); the insight that you have begun taken your partner for granted, that you have forgotten yourself and that you have forgotten to cherish each other enough. After four years together and with a 2,5 year old child we have ended up there ourselves, in some kind of relationship treadmill where we have let logistics and practical things take over. As we have written earlier it is in these situations that magic works at its best; to simply start choosing something new, something that is easy and gives us joy, to generate change in our lives.
A week ago Anders told me he wanted to have a conversation about our relationship. He had watched this video Rock Solid Relationships by Dain Heer that brought up five habits you need to quit in order to stay rock solid with your partner;
- living in the fairytale
- putting your relationship on autopilot
- comparing yourself to others
- giving up things you love and care about
- cutting off those you care about
He showed me the video and then started sharing his reflections about our relationship. I would have liked to write that we had a conversation, the truth is that I was mostly doing what I usually do when I know someone is telling the truth and I am not happy with my own part in that truth: I cry. This I did with the exception for when Anders was asking me a question and I would try to respond to it. Spoken words do not come as easy to me as the written words do and it was only after having had time to reflect that I the next evening wrote Anders an e-mail sharing what was going on within me. This is what I wrote:
”What do you want me to say? What you are saying makes so much sense. I judge you. And I judge myself too.”
Not all the time. But every time you are ”too much” in the presence of the ”wrong” people (those people who I, in my state of non awareness, wish would like you, as for example my parents). Every time my ego misinterprets what you are saying as you telling my how things are from a ”I-know-better-than-you” perspective. Every time I am sick of cooking dinner and at the very time that I am doing that you are lying on the couch, trying to rest after a long day’s work on the mountain. I can hardly bear seeing this written black on white. I get angry with myself. For choosing to be small when in reality, I am so big. At the place I am at right now, in this very moment, I hardly want to realize that sometimes I let myself leave me and let my ego, my fear of what others will think about me and my worry for not being good enough take over and rule me.
Do I judge you deep down inside? No!! The I who is truly I does not judge you. The I who is truly I stands by your side and holds your back. Is there for you. So what will it take for the I who is truly I to be there all the time?