Anders’s and my joint journey began with long messages on Facebook, where we told each other about ourselves and about what was going on within us. I am quite sure that the very minute we started talking to each other at Fjällgården in Åre, I felt that we had so much in common. That we both were seekers. It was as if that the light within me, that had slowly faded during the last years, started burning again with an unprecedented intensity. The whole of me woke up again.
The day after that first conversation, I wrote my first message to Anders. Without really knowing him, I shared my most personal and intimate thoughts with him. Maybe that was the very reason that I dared doing it, because I experienced a universal oneness with him. Also because he knew hardly anything about me.
This was the first message, written on the train from Åre to Stockholm on December 16 2012:
I am leaving Åre with a strange feeling in my body. A feeling of being on to something, something that may change my life if I allow it, in combination with an anxiety arising from the knowledge that I will have to make some rather tough decisions in order to bring about that change. Or rather, let it happen. It feels as if I have been in a bubble during the last days, a bubble that will get thinner and thinner the closer I get to Stockholm. And then – BAM – it will burst. Back in reality. But that other thing, that is also a reality.
We spoke about truth last night, about us all choosing our own truth. Or rather, that we have the opportunity to choose it. It is only a matter of daring. At this point I am not really sure why I haven’t dared yet myself. It probably has to do with the good old ”knowing what you have but not what you get”. I know that I am very fortunate. That I live a rich life in many ways. I also know that it is not as rich as I would want it to be in one way. I am in a relationship that is not what I want it to be. I cannot with a hundred procent’s certainty tell you what it is that I am lacking, I think it is a combination of passion and fundamental values, some kind of life philosophy that we do not share. This is not something that I have spent a lot of time thinking about, however after a weekend like this, when I have spent time with people that make me come alive, that make me want to improve, I realize that this is the case. I am inspired, full of joy and yet, a bit thoughtful.